Security Guard

There are a few random times in my life where I felt like everything was right. Like everyone important was there and I could float rest die happy.

Once when I was driving in Jason's car and I was maybe 22 and my dog Jed was in the car and we were driving past those yellow umbrellas that artist had decorated the hills with. I remember feeling the security of a moment on that grey road with him and that car and that dog thinking 

everyone is here

Everything is alright

everything is right

Today I felt that looking at the pool after exercising after feeding her and everyone is either in the house sleeping or doing school in bed and it's almost summer and dogs are lying around and I was floating in the pool reading an amazing open hearted writer who speaks from years ago the same feelings this very person me here in modern times feels 

This security

I don't always get that we aren't on a first name basis 

And my mom can't make sentences and she cries but I fixed her toes she has healing toenails because of me and even if she isn't rich she's still mine. She would be spending time crying anyway if she were in a nursing home just without her perfect toes and me next to her

Her toes aren't perfect

They're just better than they were. Medicine on them every day for almost a year, meticulous caring to small things

works

anyway I had that moment. 

The Jason car moment.

Here

I have it in the woods when Kurt is ahead and disappears in the jungle and all we hear are the horses and the dogs trustily exploring along. The path we know so well it's different every time and there is always peace in water

standing in creeks in Canada

In the ocean in Ventura with my little dots of kids and dogs on shore

Never far away

Near a cabin on a lake in New Hamsphire with my loving dad

Catching a fish with Lilly and Nathan and Uncle David and Chris

On the smooth kayak water flat as frosting with Emma

I don't always breathe I forget to breathe because life takes alot of organizing and you should see my garage

But being there and security and being wrong every day about something

why are we not all reaching for that

that's where the joy is