I am listening

I love you mom

I know you do

I know you do, she says.

When I put her in bed she says I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's okay, I say. Fixing her necklace that she's always worn and doesn't care about anymore. I just watched the Oscars. No awards for this.

I care about her necklace. I'm glad it's only me that she only had one daughter. You have to be strong and not want to share with anyone and so I have that. She belongs to me like only she and I know.

I regret not wedding dress shopping with her. She said you have only one daughter you see how that feels. Otherwise I guess I've made up.

I was feeling her bony chest and thinking I can't cut in there and find where she is. What makes her her isn't in there.

Walking from her place, the moon is covered in clouds, dim. I see why they do funerals. To honor the ones you love, you need to celebrate them.

I said to my mom whatcha thinking about

She said whatever you are

Sitting in the kitchen with my mom:

Mom: is your mom here

me: yes my mom is here

Mom: right here in the kitchen?

me: right here in the kitchen!

My friend Rebecca said "I think they are sending others in to check where she is"

I am listening

Just now I bring her a drink out in the sun and I give her a kiss and she says

I love you

and smiles.

I love you

Don't worry. Don't worry.

I shouldn't worry? I say

No. She says.