Saturday, February 25, 2012

Hey Jule, Shut Up Already

Learned to keep parts of my mind to myself. It's good to write honestly, but my audience gets confused. I think I should be working on a bigger project and keep my inner workings to myself. This blogging, I forget people might actually read it. I use it as a colon cleanse. Mostly everything coming out is going to be mixed in shit. heh

Hey, I miss Lukey.

Spent the night enjoying my cold and waking up so many times I never realized how long a night is. It's like, FOREVER. I could have flown to Australia and back.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

So Much to Do, So Little Gets Done

Hey, so PhD Girl has ridden my horse 3 times and she's so much better at everything than me that I may just enroll in a PhD program of my own except wait I don't want to go to school. I'm already doing so much of Nathan's homework and what with Emma's Rosa Parks report, and Lilly learning the numbers, I'm swamped.

I'm supposed to be furthering my writing and here I am in dirty sweatpants because all I can do really in the 2 hrs off from all kids, is get on that fat horse and pretend I'm making progress. We are SORT of making progress, I mean progress is so SLOW that it's hard to see the progress. I see why people build buildings, or bind books when they're done writing them, so they can SEE the beginning, middle and end. There's an actual end.

My dad, who actually cares about me furthering my writing, has all these ideas about how to push my stuff out there, but I just want to push it out of my head and form it, and then print it out, show it to Barry and a few other people, as many as want to read, and it's done. It would be nice to widen my audience, but I would also like to just be writing again. In my spare time.

It just seems pathetic. But maybe if you push through pathetic there is alot of money. I should keep going. I just wrote it SO LONG ago. But then, so did Shakespeare.

Gotta go make lunch. I am working out what thing to write next. Have many unfinished, and one finished that I could look for a publisher. Guess I have to do it all at once. But then who will make lunch?

Maggie is doing pretty well. I learned from the Amazing Rider Girl that it is possible to be solid, grounded, and relaxed. I am good at feigning these things, she's suggesting actually USING them in the saddle. Stop floating around with my head in a bubble. Just be solid. Wait, look - butterfly...what?

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Maybe We Can Do Her Some Good

I should relabel this blog PMU Adventure. Life with a fat and slow rescue horse.

I read in Anne of Green Gables, when the Cuthberts get a girl (Anne) instead of the boy orphan they wanted to help around the farm, Marilla says "What good is she going to do us?" And Matthew, the serene character, offers quietly "We might do her some good."

I do think I've learned with this Maggie horse character that I had my foot stomping need to have a horse in my life to see everyday, while we have the barn and the land and the hay to keep one. But then she came here and thankfully I had no idea how much courage it would take to get on and ride an untried big fat horse everyday, because I would have wimped out. Sincerely.

But everyday I got on that horse whether I wanted to get on or not. With fear in my boots. Sloshing full of fear. Because of that pony that bucked me off and broke my hand.

It's been six months next Monday that she's been here. I see an inkling ahead that maybe the hard part is over. She is used to the routine of riding. I have a girl with a modern name like Madison who will come once a week and school her. Maybe it is the presence of this phantom girl who will only really see Maggie for an hour a week that has given me a sense of settling into my pants. (When I'm on the horse.) I used to be afraid, what if she sees something and gets scared and then I'm whisked off and I die and yay no more meals to make but no, no dying. And this girl says, "Just have a quiet seat, she sees something that scares her, her head goes up. You just sit there like eh, that's nothing, she feels that, she settles back down." You are then leading her while not doing anything but relaxing.

So lately my rides with Maggie have been I Can Do It, not Please, Can I Do It? Solid leg on the sides of her, to squeeze her forward like toothpaste shooting in front of us. Holding her with my legs so she knows she has someone leading her forward. Today we went around the park in the wind, which scares any horse, and she did everything I asked with only a few moments of worry. When my leg got stronger and my seat got quiet, she got more confident, and her head dropped down and we both sighed.

The sign of a good ride.

She's coming around the corner, and there will be the time I've been looking forward to, the time when she's no longer new, she's gently used, and we're good for each other.

Friday, February 03, 2012

Whoa Girl

Maggie and Lilly expressing the thumbs. A girl is coming to help ride Maggie on Sunday. She's 25, got a PhD in mechanical engineering and is also a national champion rider. I felt very large and flappy in the mind when standing beside her. I felt like a prarie mom. Hopefully she will teach Maggie how to be well behaved for our kids, so I can turn her loose on them in the summer. Oops, I mean turn them loose on her.