Lemme talk about the food issue.
I had two friends who came to stay this summer. This summer of dementia mom, I'm two years in on my Dementia project, post production, and no end in sight. So I am spending my days with this underlying anxiety issheokay isshehot isshehungry isherdiaperfull amistealingallhermoney doeseveryonehateme howdidthishappen whyisthishappening whydontwehaveairconditioning
Okay so ALSO aside from the verysick MOTHER, everyminute, I have this family, I have a son home who is finished college and applying to grad schools to become a therapist because aside from being a masseuse, we all really need a therapist so good plan right on time
I also have a 15 year old who hasn't said a kind word in three years let alone a kind gesture. there have been other gestures. Not so many words, but I'm pretty sure you can guess the gesture.
I also have a NASA daughter who blazes into town every now and then on her path to extraordinary. She comes here to have someone to lay on, to fall over, to laugh and yell gleefully and try on tiny tshirts and then she blows back out she's got stuff to do man. She is not into the summer of nothingness, the dissolving into the warmth and sandy beach watery summer.
and finally I have a small jew coparenting superpartner who is in the garage full time in a tiny refrigerated box office who comes out to drive people places, make tuna or watch sports every now and then.
And I have a five horse, 20 chicken, two bunny farm and pool maintenance.
And still, loneliness?
SO
since it's summer
I have two friends come, both with kids. One has a huge 13 year old high energy boy. One had two mellow nordic teens. All boys. Both women are slightly round wobbles, one is an actual balloon. The other one is just a love monkey.
The first one says ohh I will do the cooking and she made eggs the first day and washed one dish the next day and by the last days she was just lying flat on the couch and barely even getting up ever. Our house does do that to people, I get it.
The other one is more entertaining, she is still excited about the world and about her place in it, she's lively and joins things, she questions things and loves things. She sees.
But neither of them, for the LIFE of them, can feed their own children. Even though I have SAID. PLEEEEASE. DON'T LEAVE IT TO ME. How have these children managed to keep ANY WEIGHT ON AT ALL. They have essentially no food functioning mother.
It is not fair for them to say ohhh you do it all so well. Ooooh but I was in the pool. Oooooh fuck you you fucking fat whores get your asses up and get in the fucking kitchen!! I don't love the kitchen!! I love NOT BEING IN THE KITCHEN! I TOLD YOU BEFORE YOU CAME I WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE DOING THE FOOD
Okay so things didn't work out that way. I know my house is a vacation vortex. I am a really good mother. I get hungry, my kids get mean when they don't eat, I have to make food, I do the food and then I can sit down.
YOU MUST FOLLOW THIS PLAN!!! YOU MUST DO THE FOOD. TOO.
These people will never do the food. I know that. When the last one left I said to Barry, I think it's better to be lonely than to have company.
But then when we were waving goodbye to the last friend, my little daughter who has never touched me since three years ago when she was 12, she put her arm around me. Like a little friendly arm snake, an arm who has been a stranger to me, slipped around my waist and stayed there. Right in the front yard, in front of god and everyone. And she kissed me on the cheek. Cause she loves me somehow, 3 years later. I was frozen in stunned awe. She didn't forget.
I think she felt happy, having friends over that she loved. She gave me some of that, from my favorite person, her.
So goddammit, food be damned. I will have to have them over and fucking cook again.
