Pilot Error

Did the stupidest thing today. Decided to take Dewey out to the arena alone, because it was time to get him going alone that short distance. He was fine, I rode halfway, and then when he seemed nervous, I got off and walked him the rest of the way. At the arena, I opened the gate to go in, and I didn't open it enough. So I walked through, and when he walked through, the stirrup accidentally got caught on the gate. Like a fishhook, hooking a horse. So then in about 5 long seconds, poor Dewey realized he was caught, tried to free himself by wrestling back and forth on the gate, ripping a gash in his leg. I stood there frozen because I couldn't rush in in case he trampled me, so I didn't help him at all, which is still killing me. The girth finally broke under the saddle and he ran off into the arena, and I caught him by carefully walking up to him like nothing was terrible, nothing was wrong. His leg had some cuts on it, I picked up my broken saddle, we walked back home, and Tim met me on the trail halfway, and carried the saddle and I was so angry at myself for not opening the gate right, and then worried because I soon saw that Dewey had a big square chunk missing out of the top inside of his back leg. Then the whole day was depressing. Washing the wound, trying to dress the wound. Talking to the lady who gave him to me, and she came over, and gave him a tetanus shot, and penicillan, and washed it out again, and Lilly played in the mud while we fixed the broken horse, and I kept thinking, what am I doing, I don't have time for this. And Dewey tries really hard to understand and be good, while also being 4 years old. So tomorrow he should be even more sore, and hopefully I'll clean it up right, and give him the pain med, and the antibiotic, and hopefully I haven't ruined things for this horse. I went out and walked him around in the dark, and he is sore, but walking. He's so smooth, his coat, like black velvet when you pet him. This was not my favorite day. The only good thing was because I was out walking him in the back paddock area, a place I don't go much, I heard this buzzing sound, and I finally looked to see what it was, and a tomato plant had grown huge and was crossing the electric wire (that keeps coyotes out), causing a short. Sparks were flying off it. We had to pry the plant off without shocking ourselves. Dewey's injury was bad, but he might have saved us from our whole property burning to the ground. So he's resting, and the short is fixed, and we get a whole day tomorrow to perhaps heal. I don't like when I make an error in judgement, a stupid mistake. Because I'm too tired, or too lazy, or whatever. It's depressing. As you get older, aren't you supposed to get smarter? I just feel less capable. Maybe I should just accept that, and stick to knitting. But we were doing so well. That's why I tried to go to the next step, because we were doing so well, and it's good to keep moving forward. I think I just learned that the horse is not a tool, it's a real thing, that needs tiny steps, and tending. Just like everything.